Non Canon One Piece RolePlay

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Kusano

Marine
Marine

avatar
Voyage Name: Make your choice.
Location: Alabasta
Participant(s): with others
Description:
Their is a new problem in Alabasta. Their is a mad man on the loose with a weird syndrome. Their is a serial killer that does have a specific taste for a special kind of victim. He goes after the criminals.
All around Alabasta the marines find corpses of wanted criminals that are not caught yet. It all happens in secret and tht is why no one knew about it tillnow. The killer refers to himself as the face of justice and the one who gives people the chance to learn how precious life is.
He likes to put people in all kind of traps wich relate to the crimes they commited. He really believes he is doing the right thing and that people who succesfully survive the test are cleansed and learned how to appriciate life. His way of thinking created a small group of followers that worship him and want to help him serve justice. Me and the other marines get the task to capture this man. His name is Akri Camper. He likes to camp his victims while being unseen and watches them struggle as they ry to escape the traps.

If I find Akri Camper I will be put to the test together with all marines that join me. Do we save the victims that are trapped inside the building and let him escape so he can contineau with his work. Or do I go with the other marinesafter Akri Camper leaving the victims of the traps to die but stop this man from creating more chaos and more corpses. Their is no option to split up to save and capture Akri Camper because we marines are part of the game. It is one massive trap. If thier is an attempt of doing both Akri Camper will press a button killing all victims immidiantly and also menage to escape.

It will be a test. Do you save the criminals that commited several crimes or do you think they deserve what they got and leave them to die and proving that Akri Camper's statement is something you agree with.

Devroux

Admin

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Go for it.

Victoria

Marine
Marine

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Done
Link

Participants: Kusano and Victoria[me]

Kaito

Supernova
Supernova

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Summary: Truthfully, what annoyed me most about this voyage, was the constant need for me to re-read your sentences twice in the descriptive parts of the pacing, not really Victoria so much, as your writing has definitely improved Vicky, @Kusano your use of syntax, combined with the first person narration truly made what an intricately set-out topic to be a nightmare cringe read at points.

I've decided to focus on the points I did like, I truly loved Victoria's use of her More More abilities and Kusano's response times when dealing with each room's various traps and pitfalls. The end felt lackluster but for what it was, I couldn't really pick anyway else to end the topic, aside from, I would've loved to see if the rooms were expanded on a bit in terms of how they were handled.

Please. Please. Please. If you have the gusto to bump your topics every forty-eight hours, and then say staff doesn't like to grade your topics, then have the same gusto to spell check these posts, properly indent and check your use of pronouns at least after each post. The story albeit not generic for the One Piece world, still had so many cliche's in it's dialogue. LMAO somehow I enjoyed the slowbro reference.

@Kusano
Beli: 8,000,000 (Honestly, taking in account the amount of effort it took me at points to maintain a steady flow as I read, the traps were intricate but the execution could've been desired for.)
Prestige/Doriki: 2/2 (You still stopped a serial killer so for what it's worth, that's one less worry on the streets)

Graders Notes @Kusano : Please place indents in between your paragraphs when writing.

@Victoria
Beli: 15,000,000 (You we're the star of this topic to me. The witty bits, the use of the More More, the application of maintaining a flow. I was truly impressed. You're post were riddled with spelling errors too but it was still passable.
Prestige/Doriki: 2/2 (You still stopped a serial killer so for what it's worth, that's one less worry on the streets)

1/2

@Lady Sofia
@Hannibal
@Melly
@Judan

Aku Soku Zan

Marine
Marine

avatar
2/2

I have no further comments. Rewards added.

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